I'd rather live ignorantly, thank you.
What's December 2020 got to do with it? Got to do with it.
You were my right arm. Seven years later, you broke it.
The first time we met, we were supposed to be going on a double date—except my double never showed. Naturally, I was in the raw right away. And you were right there next to me. Open. Receptive. Sincerely compassionate. Hella forward. Quite blunt. Unapologetically overboard, at times. Softly nudging and firmly shoving everyone around you to do more, express more, be more, feel more.
In the beginning, I was a bit turned off. I thought you might be rude. This was part of your charm, I learned. Always going further, deeper. This was your love of the game. You were a bleeding heart to the whatever degree. The more you played a role in someone’s catharsis, the more connected you were to your spirit—or so that’s the story I tell. But this story isn’t so much about you as it is about what you showed me.
You showed me what it was like to have a double of my own.
I could possibly refer to you as what Jung would describe as a golden shadow—my glittery potential. The parts of myself that I denied. I admired you for your oozing charisma, sharp confidence, feisty power and super gooey kindness. You inspired me to use my voice. To use my body. To show up for myself. You modeled partnership. Through and through.
The first person I ran to share with—my woes, my wins, my wannabees.
Then, life swung. You vanished. Drowned in a sea of your memories.
This was the breaking of my arm. I felt it, some. But I was fitted for a cast in the size of eccentric friends, a polished home, an expanded belief system and a colorful new life—so I may have ignored its existence, just a little. For five years, I wore the unmarked cast—empty of signatures. I didn’t even know I was still wearing it until recently when my body screamed for me to look—aching for me to bear witness.
It is today that my heart opened to a source of gnawing pain that had been buried under reasons and logic and patience and practices. Hurt hiding.
I tenderly thank you for your sisterhood—a sisterhood that once held me so dear. A sisterhood that, had I kept the cast on, I might never have returned to. I might never have reconnected with the deep union I once knew there.
I might never have been reminded that true union with another begins with a gentle and loving connection within myself.
💗
“What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.”
— Aristotle
Friendships and Fallouts
Before we zoom in on a specific moment in time—like December 21, 2020—we must zoom out! In astrology, meaning unfolds through cycles, not snapshots. 📸 Yes, certain dates hold weight, especially when planets like Jupiter and Saturn align. But these moments are part of a much larger unfolding. To truly understand what’s happening now—or what was seeded then—we have to trace the arc of time, my friend.
🗓️ Reach into your memory box to December 21, 2020— this marked a seeding point of a new cycle that continues to shape the landscape of our lives.
On December 21, 2020— Jupiter (peak of life, light) and Saturn (death, impermanance) met in Aquarius (the sign of systems, innovation and collective progress). Whenever Jupiter and Saturn meet in the sky, its referred to as a Great Conjunction. This happens every 20 years or so.
(Get this: Jupiter and Saturn were closer in 2020 than they have been since 1623! What’s that mean? It means the themes sparked then—around growth, endings, structure and vision—were unusually potent. This Great Conjunction planted seeds not just for personal change, but for a deep restructuring of how we live, connect and build our future—together.😍)
Jupiter and Saturn are opposites. Life and death.
What happens when LIFE and DEATH meet?
Just because Saturn represents death, doesn’t make it the enemy. But endings, death and suffering aren’t necessarily hot topics for us mortal peeps. We tend to push these subjects out of our awareness. 🙈 For ancient astrologers, Saturn was linked to ignorance—“I’d rather be a blockhead and ignore difficult realities than learn to live with them.” Fair enough!
People with strong Saturnian influences tend to be very on-the-ground and practical—they aren’t pushing the dark qualities of life out of their awareness. A Jupiterian influenced person brings more buoancy and light to the matter. Both offer wisdom. When the two come together, wisdom shapes structures in our lives.
As a people, our wisdom is evolving and we are understanding at deep, intuitive levels how our developing wisdom is sculpting the structures, systems and paradigms of our lives.
What new visions were you casting on December 21, 2020?
(It may feel long ago, but somewhere, somehow… you know what you were planting.🌱 For an added bonus, to see where these newer structures have been forming for YOU—check the area of Aquarius in your natal chart.)
Next came June 19, 2023—What was happening in your life and what people were you connecting with that was supporting your change of outlook?
Then around Aug 19, 2024—What stress test were you given?—We were shown what was not working. How were your beliefs shifting? What was the crossroads in your outlook? What truths were hard to look at? What changes of approach were necessary in life?
Now, June 15, 2025—As the evolution of our beliefs continues… how are your beliefs reflecting the direction of your life? The way you shape your relationships, the philosophy that guides how you deal with conflict, your life mission, how to run your business, raise kids, have meaningful friendships.
Reflecting on our personal paradigm shifts takes time. It requires patience and depth to recognize how our inner guidance systems are constantly shaping—and being shaped by—the wisdom we’re building with each experience.🪄
You think about it. I’ll wait.
⏳
💭 Personal Reflection:
I know exactly where I was on Dec 21, 2020. I was exploring the transference of energy with the help of a consciousness-expanding tool. It’s one of two solid memories I have in my life where I distinctly learned about the existence and movement of energy—especially how I’ve had a tendency to carry what isn’t mine. I recall seeing without my two eyes, that energy was everywhere in everything and that it was more powerful to be able to see with my other eye than with the two on my face. Okay, maybe not more important… but in a way, more powerful! 👁️
It was another moment in time where I experienced energetic union with another. I loved deeply and when I love, like most people, we don’t want our loved ones to suffer. And sometimes, we want to take away their suffering, not on purpose. In trying to make my spiritual friend feel better, I took on his suffering. I felt his belly ache move to mine. Ouch! “What the hell! Is this real?” As shocked (and amused) as I was, it made so much sense. I could see that I have done that in life—absorb emotions that don’t belong to me, taking on what’s not mine without even realizing it.
“Give it back! It’s not yours.”
Back, I gave it.
Stories I had heard, theories I had read… had NOTHING on felt perception. I needed to feel for myself. It was like I was completing an internship in the art of self-sabotage. A graduation of sorts.
🎓
I was planting the seeds for a long-term relationship with alternative medicine, ancient wisdom, metaphysical practices, SELF-LOVE and energetic embodiment. If you’re curious about this journey—or want to share your own—I’d love to hear from you! 🦜
💫Cosmic Guidance:
🎵 What friendships play music in your heart?
🥇 Who are your golden shadows—the people you admire, envy or idealize—and what parts of yourself are reflected in them?
What qualities in them stir something deep in you—longing, excitement, awe?
How might those qualities already live within you, waiting to be claimed or expressed?
🌗 The Moon is in its Last Quarter—a time to slow down, integrate and reflect. This phase carries the energy of breakdown, re-adjustment, transition, decomposition and forgiveness. What stories or unspoken hurts lie buried beneath the surface? And how might forgiveness—whether for yourself or others—soften the soil around them, allowing something new to grow?
Live by the Sun, Love by the Moon 🌙
— Neekol
Thank you for being a shining golden shadow! ✨🤩